The Best Stupidity of G.I. Joe 2

I just came back from watching G.I. Joe: Retaliation, the sequel to the 2009 film the world was craving for. Guys, it is dumb. It is dumb as hell. But it is the best type of dumb, the type that emerges from a perfect storm of poor decisions and baffling plot choices that comes all the way back around to be laughably entertaining.

Thus, in lieu of an actual review, my five absolute favorite dumb moments of G.I. Joe: Retailiation:
(oh, spoilers below if you care)

5. The G.I. Joe team becomes convinced that the President of the United States has been replaced by a doppelganger because he has started saying "Sort of" instead of "Kind of". This is discovered by analyzing every public statement he has given in the past several months using computers from the '90s that they found in an abandoned rec center.

4. They confirm the President is an imposter by running his hair through a portable DNA scanner disguised as a tube of lipstick. Which they built using leftover parts. From '90s computers. That they found in an abandoned rec center.

3. Cobra Commander activates his doomsday weapon by pressing a button in a briefcase. If the exact same button is pressed a second time, it not only stops the launch but causes all seven of his billion-dollar satellites to EXPLODE. No lock is put on this briefcase.

2. At the start of the movie, COBRA frames the by having Storm Shadow (the white, evil ninja) dress up as Snake Eyes (the black, good ninja) and assassinate the President of Pakistan. This is literally step one of their plan in the movie; making the world think Snake Eyes killed a world leader is vital. And yet, rather than just, temporarily, use swords with black hilts (you know, the type Snake Eye would use) Storm Shadow uses his same swords and just puts slide-on black covers over the ends. You guys, there's committing to a costume and then there's this.

1. When the imposter President makes a joke about North Korea, "Kim Jong Il" throws his arms out and acts totally offended like the US had just the violated Bro Code.

"What'd I do? C'mon guys, that's really uncalled for."